Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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