I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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