dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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