so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
