The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
