Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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