I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
