"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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