508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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