Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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