Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That was an excessively violent trivia night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize