do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
