I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
