Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
