It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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