I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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