I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dear god my vagina.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
