Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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