tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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