nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
