a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm always down for nudity.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize