just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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