My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
