none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
