I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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