I just pynch a tree in the face
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
