um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
