this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
