i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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