textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
