I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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