I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize