i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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