In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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