i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
