I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
