I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
