Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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