Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
barbara walters just said penis...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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