when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize