Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize