Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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