his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
