he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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