I'm lost and stupid without you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
