i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
