WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
