He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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