I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
