I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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