Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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