I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
