I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
