this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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