well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
