were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
