in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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