He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
