Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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