Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
