You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just found a bag of teeth...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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