Your tits are I can't wait for
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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