ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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