Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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