Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
someone owes me an orgasm
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
