He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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