No subtext here. People are naked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
