she looked like the bat from fern gully.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
