i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I need moral support for this bender
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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