Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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